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the right thing


This post was written on Friday.  It’s mysterious and disjointed: no apologies– it is what it is.

Yesterday was an emotionally intense day.  Things didn’t go terribly, but as Rosamma puts it, “there are some victories that don’t seem like victories.” 

Standing outside a courtroom door, you convince yourself that because you are speaking truth, you will be vindicated.  You also trust in the adage that the truth will set you free.  But the moment you step through those wooden doors, and you look at the polished banister, and the raised dais where the judge sits with an air of boredom and arrogance, that peace starts to dissipate.  Instead, an iron fist clenches your stomach muscles, lasers shoot through your temple, and the voices in your head return, convincing you that justice does not always prevail. 

Working with people is hard.  The first patient you diagnose as terminal, the innocent person you represent that doesn’t get justice, the person that loses hope while you’re watching. 

When you start this work they tell you that if you learn and say all the right things, then people and systems will always do the right things.  What they don’t tell you is that systems don’t always do the right thing even if you have.  They also don’t tell you that you don’t know what the right thing is, especially when it comes to someone else’s life.  Instead of the right and wrong thing, it is the better or worse thing.  And sometimes the better thing seems worse and the worse thing seems better and sometimes you don’t know the difference.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. mallory permalink
    2009-05-10 8:43 PM

    “It is what it is.”

    Please be safe in India.

    And I just can’t wait till you get back. I just had a photo shoot this saturday and I finally got around to shooting in all manual mode. It was THE BEST experience ever. And I shot in all RAW too. It was SUCH a good shoot. Because of those two factors. I just had to share it with you since I know you’d understand how daunting it is to shoot in manual. I’ve been so terrified of it but I’m glad I finally did it.

  2. 2009-05-12 12:10 AM

    Thanks, Mal.

    You are scaring me. I keep finding EVERY excuse not to shoot Manual or in RAW. Right now it’s, “I can’t do it until I get a new laptop…” which makes no sense, but it works for me. Put your stuff up somewhere!!

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