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getting your Masters

2009-06-03

Spotted on Facebook:

“Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters”

At first I was floored by what I saw as the blatant patriarchy in this statement.  Women getting their master.  In this day and age, can this statment be said even in conservative circles?

But then I got off my feminist soapbox (as BC would quickly point out that I am on) and tried to switch it up and see what the effect would be…

“Marriage is an institution in which a woman loses her Bachelor’s Degree and the man gets his Masters”

If a preacher said that from the stage, it would get a bunch of laughs, and go along with a whole slew of “Yes, dear” jokes.  “Yes, dears” are pet peeve #48.  They instruct men to patronize their wives in minor daily activities with a hidden implication that men can always take the control back at any time and you are just doing this to keep the peace, wink, wink.  It also sends the message that in relationships that don’t conform to patriarchal gender norms are a laughing matter and not okay.

Is it too much to ask for preachers to start preaching about marriage being a partnership?  To talk about having healthy relationships filled with compromise, negotiation, respect, service to each other and love?  That the couple should strive to be free of violence, control issues, game-playing and manipulation?  That the two individuals should recognize and use each other’s strengths for the benefit of their union, despite gender or title?  Is this too much to ask????????

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. 2009-06-04 12:37 PM

    found your blog through a comment you left on mine. great stuff. will definitely be checking back often 🙂

  2. Mallory permalink
    2009-06-04 11:47 PM

    Actually, thats a LOT to ask for. A little too much. Equality doesn’t exist in our community. It’s always good cop, bad cop. Compromise is extinct in our community.

  3. 2009-06-05 6:28 AM

    Don’t be so jaded, my dear Malli. Equality and compromise do exist. There are healthy & happy marriages based on these and other respectful qualities, but the problem is that no one talks about it or promotes it.

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